I shouldn’t be telling you this.

This is my fourth Comedy Fest in Aspen—the U.S. Comedy Arts Festival presented by HBO—and for the first time I seem to think I have figured the damn thing out. That’s another way of saying I now know how to get the best possible tickets given the ducats I’ve drawn.

First let me emphasize how complicated the ticketing process in Aspen can be for the next couple of days. On second thought, I’m not going to explain it because it’s too complicated. Instead I’m going to go with telling you everything you need to know.

Here’s the skinny: take whatever tickets you have—good, bad, and ugly—and get thee to the Tickets Exchange table on the bottom floor of the St. Regis Resort Aspen. Ask for people for tickets they don’t want or can’t use because they’re still valuable. Get in line. Start talking to people and see if you have what they want—and the other way around.

Swap.

Swap again, trying to upgrade your stash.

Now go to the Tickets Exchange table at the end of this endless line. Swap some more with the people behind the desk.

Let time go by. Get in line again. Repeat throughout the day until you have the tickets you want. Repeat the next day and the next. Then put a fork in it.

How come this works? Because the Ticket Exchange table in the belly of the St. Regis creates a marketplace for tickets and a place to trade. But remember a few things: all tickets, green or red, are not created equal, but that doesn’t mean you can’t swap two-for-one in line, or give your tix away to someone who is, say, dying to see Don Rickles.

Also remember that one man’s trash is another bloke’s treasure. And, most important of all, don’t forget the tickets at the table are replenished every time somebody steps up to the plate.

Last tip: if somebody helps you out, get their phone number and try to get them what they need. Keep your friends in mind and you’ll be surprised how often people come through for you.